And it goes on

I have a feeling a lot of my time will be taking up around the BRCA1 thought process for a while.  Some might say that its crazy until you know for sure, this is me though and I like to be able to plan for all eventualities; even if it is a pointless exercise.

I still feel that a lot of my concerns lie around the implications of early onset and sudden menopause on my body.  The thought of being cut open and having major surgery is also a concern, but I do know that an oopherectomy can be done by keyhole surgery so the recover time is much less.

There are so many issues when it comes to what the menopause can bring, thinning of bones is one as on my fathers side there is a history of osteoporosis in his sister and mothers.  I do quite a lot of physical activity, which helps, but I also have a totally sedentary job for five days of the week, which doesn't help.

I know that there are treatments that you can take to alleviate all of the symptoms and side effects, but I hate the idea of that too; although I am not naive enough to think that they can all be avoided.  i have read about women suffering from horrific joint pain, something I suffer with a lot of the time anyway and if that were to get worse then it wouldn't be great.  But I suppose I could look at it in the fact that I am used to it already and have pretty good coping mechanisms in place.

I have so much reading to do and understanding to get in before we go and see the counsellor, I want to make sure I have got all the most useful and in depth questions at hand as humanly possible, I want her to fill in gaps rather than present me with new questions.

It will go on, I imagine it will be a quite well visited subject on here by the time I get to the appointment!

Warrior!

During some crazy lapse of sanity, Tom, Holly and I decided that we should take part in Total Warrior. This idea was planted in my head by my bad ass friend Joanne.

Joanne is hardcore when it comes to exercise, fitness and suffering and she insisted that we do the 10 mile version of this hell, instead of the 10k lesser hell. She subsequently decided she would rather do super human, an entirely different kind of torture, so isn't even going to be there to bully me round!

As the day is drawing closer, the reality of my lack of preparation is screaming in my face. The run up to wedding totally took over our life, so this got forgotten and it's this Sunday.  Ah.

I fear that I will not make it out unscathed, my body of glass doesn't adapt well to change. Something to do though hey!

BRCA1 time

A while ago I talked about the BRCA1 gene that my mother carries, it is the gene that has hit the news with Angelina Jolie and Michelle Heaton having both had a double mastectomy and soon to have hysterectomy I believe. It is known to drastically increase the carriers chances of suffering from a beast or ovarian cancer.

With my mother carrying the gene, there is a 50/50 chance that my sister or myself may too have the gene and we have finally decided to go an discuss the possibility of having the blood test to discover if we do.

We will be going to see the specialist in around 6 to 8 weeks to discuss the implications surrounding the results and then decide is we want to know.

A lot of people's knee jerk reactions are "how can you not have found out already?" but when you actually factor in the reality of knowing, then it makes you sit back and think.

If I do decide to go ahead with finding out, which presently I'm pretty sure I will, then I have to make sure that I have all my options clear in my head. The strain in our family is mostly ovarian, so the decision would be to have a double oophorectomy. Not only is this major surgery, it also means that I will go through a very sudden onset menopause and will definitely not be able to have children without intervention. Tom and I currently don't want children, there is simply no room or want for them right now and we aren't sure there ever will be. However, having the choice taken away from you is a hugely different thing and something that would personally be quite a heavy thought. There are options to freeze eggs etc, but that carries it own set of heartaches and risks.

From the thoughts I have had on the subject before, and now, my main concern is the affects of menopause on me and my personality and long term affects of going through it so early. There is a lot to consider and I have a lot to read up on before seeing the specialist, so that I can get as much as I can from the meeting.

I am choosing to focus on all the positives in this situation, even if I were to be a carrier of the gene and I am hoping that this continues. Easy to write, doubt it will be so easy in reality.

The one you've all been waiting for

The reason it has taken me so long to write this is because I have been trying to work out the words to do it justice. I have drawn the conclusion that I don't have them, this was the occasion that instigated the creation of this blog and everything Tom and I have been working to for the last 12 months... Our wedding of course,  and it was out of this world.

It really was like a fairy tale and I don't normally speak like that. I was so worried about the weather and things not working but not one single thing was a problem. We were very, very lucky. I couldn't have done it all without Tom being as involved as he was and the day most definitely wouldn't have run as smoothly if my incredibly well organise and directional friend Nic hadn't taken the bull by the horns and organised the hell out of everyone one the day. She was a super star

This is truly an example of a picture speaks a thousands words, I have to say that I feel blessed and I love my husband more than I ever thought it was possible to love another person 

The building of the masterpiece.  This was so much fun

Such an amazing structure, basically held together by pressure and a little bit of magic I think!

the beginning of the internal beautifications

     

The centre window of the yurt just adds to the whole enchanting experience of the place

  

I was so please with the outcome of the table layouts, I was worried they would look a little bare but the magnificent sweet peas supplied to us by my parents friend; just brought everything to life.  He grows them for competitions and we cleared his stock out the day before.  What a super star

 

Wow, every time I see this picture I remember just how breathtaking the garden was, is and always will be. This was the reason we chose to have everything and home, because no matter where we looked, there isn't a single place that could've been so utterly beautiful and perfect (and free!)

The hairdresser was less than impressed that I was eating croissant and then touching my hair! CRUMBS!!! 

The terrible trio. The incredible Reuben in the middle there. he conducted our ceremony and what an incredibly unique and perfect performance he gave.  He is a wonderfully talented man, so full of life and excitement and the whole day wouldn't have been the same without him.  Tom's bother John on the right, he was Tom's best man and gave an hilarious speech.. he also provided 2 of the three bridesmaids!

Tom's incredible mother.  Her strength and determination throughout everything the world throws at her never ceases to amaze me.  She is someone I constantly look up to and if I manage to be half the person she is in my life then I will be incredibly happy.  She gave a heart wrenching speech that broke the entire gathering, it was straight from the heart and so, so beautiful and there wasn't a dry eye in the house.  Even Jonathan my photographer was welling up! 

 

I love this picture.  When i chose to have a little bistro table for Tom and myself, it was purely because I couldn't fit another full table in.  We weren't convinced it would work but it was so perfect.  it make me feel peaceful when I look at it

My bloody awesome cake, made by my incredibly talented and oh so permanently busy sister.  She was putting the finishing touches to it around midnight the night before.  Because I wanted buttercream icing, the cake has to be made and iced last thing.  She also has a 4 month old baby and 2 lively children to entertain whilst doing this. Amazing 

Her and mum also made a million little cupcakes and iced those the night before. I looked at so many cake designs and I am so pleased I went for this in the end.  I found the silk flowers months ago and the colour and the fit were spot on.

My beautiful sister and a hungry Thomas

And the superstar in blue is +Nicola Renshaw the reason my day went so incredibly well.  We genuinely couldn't have done it without her and the effort and stress it must've taken for her to have so much responsibility and pull it off to perfection, I just cant imagine.  I have so much respect for this lady, we are so, so similar in so many ways and I have never met another female that I have ever felt so easily connected with.  Yet something else I am blessed with. The lovely flowery lady is Lisa, she was the lucky catcher of the bouquet. She is Toms friends, girlfriend and was the first time we had met her and she is a great girl.

My awesome ladies.  I have been friends with these girls for YEARS!! Jo on the far left and Rachel who has the flowery dress and sunglasses on, have been with me since the dawn of time I think.  We have had all the normal adventures that kids have and then some pretty frickin non normal adventures if I'm truly honest. The beautiful Mrs Gibbs in the short flowery dress came into my life through Jo, she is the hugely talented hand that created my wonderful guest board and the stunning Emma on the right was introduced to me through Rachel.  We have all grown so much in the time we have known each other and we have seen each other struggle and come out the other side, more times than I care to imagine. They have brought so much to my world and have shaped my life beyond anything imaginable.  I actually get a little choked up trying to express what they mean to me, words cant explain that, it something you can only understand if you have friends in the same way yourelf.

And what can I tell you about Amy on the left.  Amy is my friend through the stupid hobby that we both share; horse riding.  It is incredibly rare to see Amy out of jodhpurs and with her hair down, so much so, i thought I had a stranger at my wedding when I saw her in the crowd; and doesn't she look fantastic!  She didn't do anything with her hair other than wash it; hands up who is jealous!. I don't have many horsey friends and Amy is the only one I need.  She has helped me out incredibly with the horses I have now and is yet another little blessing in my life.  Sophie on the right, this is Amys best friend and another bloody brilliant woman.  She creates masterpieces out of bones, she engraves them and as a wedding present ot us, she is creating something from the pigs head; I am soooo excited to see this, what a wonderful way to commemorate the tasty, tasty pig that gave his life to feed the masses

Quite possibly one of my favourite pictures of all time.  This was during Toms speech and was just after his toast to his father. We used the port that was purchased for Tom when he was very young; as Adrian couldn't be with us, Tom felt it would be a fantastic gesture and it truly was. This picture reflects, not only relief for Tom (speech out of the way) but a deep and meaningful moment to reflect on the times that Tom has had with his father and what an incredibly huge part of him he is.  

THE BAND!

We looked at a few options for the band, I wanted Irish style as that always gets people dancing.  These guys are outstanding, lovely guys and bloody brilliant too.  So lively and brought the atmosphere I was desperate to achieve.  it also helped that Jonathan, our photographer, knows them and plays harmonica with them sometimes so he joined in for the knees up for a good few songs.

 

Toms button hole.  I made these the night before, one for each of the guys and each one was different.  Toms was special though as we managed to preserve a few of the seasons forget me nots and I used these around the seed head that was the main feature.  Forget me nots are the symbol that the alzheimer's society use so we felt it was another way of holding his dad close to his heart during the ceremony.

Our wonderful little hashtag signs, Reuben is a designer and printer by trade so made us these up. So great for instagram

Some more flowers from the garden, wired up for my hair.  They were brilliant and lasted out the day.

So, back to reality for us now and on to our next challenge..... watch this space! 

Nearly there!

Only 4 days to go,  including today. I am so glad I took the week before off, it means I have finally got the opportunity to concentrate on our wedding and get well and truly excited.

I had my little bridezilla moment a couple of days ago because it had gone so cold and I made the mistake of doing the one thing I said I wouldn't... Checked the weather! The forecast isn't amazing still, but it is a lot better than it was and I have had the opportunity to buy some warm layers to go on, just in case. My tolerance to cold is pathetic and if I am cold on the day then that's me done! We also had a monsoonesque downpour on Friday night that absolutely obliterated all of the flowers. So mum and dad have been working furiously to repair that and they seem to be winning, so fingers crossed that won't be happening again!

Holiday clothes shopping complete and now we are sat waiting to see the dentist. I'm having my crown done properly, a cost I could've done without! And we are also having a good old fashioned hygienist appointment each to make sure our pearly whites are iridescent for the day. I HATE the hygienist and I have a 45min appointment as it's my first.. Ouch

So, I doubt I will be updating before the wedding. I hope you're all thinking of me and thanks for following me this far. When I return, it will be a new fitness goal I am aiming for. We have Total Warrior a clue of weeks after the wedding but my new goals are going to be focused around flexibility still and I am determined to created some sculpted abs, once and for all. I am aiming to have some decent definition by Christmas, we are hoping to go to Thailand for 3 weeks and I want to be able to merrily strut my stuff for then!

I will need to think of  a new title for my blog and I intend on creating a website instead of using blogger as it's limitations are frustrating me.. So back to the drawing board for names it is, and I need a new nickname! Exciting times xx