Negativity

This is something that comes so naturally to me, that's its a permanently ongoing battle to stop myself slipping back into bad habits.

I have worked really hard on this side of myself as, not only is it destructive, it is draining on the soul. I have been doing really well, my change in eating and lifestyle has contributed to the success no end. What I have found is that, along with losing the focus I have talked about in a few of my recent post, I have lost the ease with which the positivity is coming to me.

One of my worst negative traits, and one I know a considerable number of people struggle with is envy.  You lose focus on what u have and spend all your time focusing on what others have that you don't. Its such a stupid and pointless thing, it irritates me just thinking about it.  The biggest one for me is around horses, I lost my superstar a couple of years ago. He was a jumping machine, my ladies are truly amazing but they don't have the scope to go out and do the things I really enjoy, through no fault of their own I might add.  I had a brilliant day out with Lara yesterday, just getting her back into competing after being off all winter, but we are rarely in with a chance competitively and I struggle with that.  Its not because she is useless or naughty, she is just incredibly laid back and I have to be careful how much I ask of her due to old injuries she sustained as a baby.  I get so focused on how it makes other people view me, that I lose sight of what it is we are actually achieving.

This horse had a broken leg at a week old, sustained a further injury to her other leg whilst being treated for the break and was semi paralysed for months and affected by it forever. We have been close to having her put to sleep for numerous reasons on numerous occasions and we were told she would be crippled with arthritis by the time she was 7 and she is now almost 10.

Its funny what comes easily in life is normally a bad thing. I'm in a bit of a rut, I'm annoyed by it because I'm in an amazing place with amazing things happening. I'm working on it again though and I need to remember this whilst building myself back to a good place.  Its just another reminder that you should never take anything for granted!!

Anyway, just enjoying a beautiful avocado with pastrami and we had a great ride in, weather is amazing and everything is going well for the wedding!! Such an ungrateful madam!