And breathe

It really is a constant battle when you are trying your best to better yourself, physically and mentally.  Not only am I in the process of sculpting my body, I am in the process of shaping my mind at the same time.  I feel that going to the gym regularly and being with Tom has changed me in a whole raft of positive ways, but I need to remember that I have so many years of conditioning to work against.

I find I am considerably more laid back than I used to be, people who know me and are reading this may not be convinced, but they don't know the me that I know.  Someone told me something tonight that had the potential to really, really wind me up, to the point of me giving in to my anger.  However, I made the conscious decision to have a word with myself.  This didn't stop the familiar anger build up in my chest, but what it did stop was the lash out reaction.  Yes I vented a little but definitely managed to catch it and after 20mins it has passed.  An achievement on a mental level this time.

The main thought process that I feel has helped me in this type of situation is that the person responsible for the trigger, is not even worthy of my time, let alone any strong emotion.  I know that they are lesser than me so I should be happy that I am in a position to judge in this way and that their lives must be eternally shallow. 1 nil to me!  Although I  am wasting my time writing about them ;-) work in progress

Now, I am actually exhausted from a number of things and I am driving the horse box over to Lincoln tomorrow for a weekend of competing, really looking forward to it and the weather is set to be steady too!

Pressure is on

Well, of the cooker variety at least. I suddenly had a brain wave for cooking the beans; use the pressure cooker.  I had some cannellini beans soaking from the other day, so they got to be Guinea pig.

Rather than boiling for ten mins and simmering for 45mins, I simply brought to the boil and skimmed the froth and then put the lid on, brought up to pressure and then cooked for 10mins. Tasted them and they appear to be the best consistency yet, granted I have never cooked these specific beans from scratch before, but I think they would still have tasted waterlogged. 

My back was in quite a mess as usual, maybe even a touch worse.  My pelvis was totally out and my area on the base of my scapula that is always painful was excruciating. Oh well, I like to get my moneys worth! I don't normally ride the evening after having it done, just so everything can settle, but as I am competing at the weekend I needed to give Lara a practice jump and now my joints are not happy! Will be fine in the morning

Amazing PT session

Had another PT session with Martin this morning and it was really good. I did an hour of low intensity cardio before his sessions, split it between the treadmill and the bike.  Not used the standard exercise bikes there before, hugely wide seats!!

As always, Martin really concentrates on form and body weight. Its all about core strength and keeping yourself supple.  It means that your body will eventually be leaner, stronger and more capable of dealing with what is thrown at it.  We firstly warmed up the abs with a bicycle move and concentrating on pushing the arch of my back down.  I really struggle with this, I'm so rubbish at engaging my core whilst doing other things, and that really is key to strength.

We then moved onto the smith machine and used it for squats.  Not just standard squats, they are designed to really stretch the entire body.  No weight in it, just the bar and you have to stand with your arms straight above your head and a wide, almost sumo stance to give the pelvis room to allow the stretch.  You keep your entire body in line and then to start, you push your bottom right out to allow your weight to go down into your heels.  Start the squat and as you lower, push your head out forwards so it is no longer under the smith machine. Go as low as you can and then repeat. Doesn't sound tough but by god, it really is!!

We then moved onto a free Olympic bar, again no weights and Martin did some assisted stretching of my forearms and shoulders, way too tricky to explain it so you'll have to take my word on it being pretty horrific! Then I had to do a similar squat action but with the bar resting on my delts with my thumbs tucked under the bar under my chin, as I squatted I had to raise my shoulders. Wow, major stretch and instability!

Then we moved onto the same move as the smiths machine but with a barbell weight to engage the core, and did it engage it!!

During all moves, especially on the free weights, I have to ensure that everything is level.  Tougher than it sounds!

Next was some core stuff to finish, he started me off lying on my back on a stepper block, the bones of my pelvis on the end of the step and then, with legs slightly apart and straight, heels up, lift. Well, at least that is what I was meant to do. Not a chance! I genuinely couldn't even budge them!  Martin was amazed at how dreadful my core actually is, he didn't realise until then, just how weak I actually am.  So, switched that move to lying directly on the floor and remember to really engage the core and flatten the back out.

I have got to really concentrate on my posture no matter what I am doing.  He commented on my winged scapula and said that we need to focus on that too as there are exercises to correct it, or at least help.  He also corrected how I was stood just talking to him so I am just going to have to nag away at myself until it becomes natural.

I now have 3 weeks until my next session to really blitz this.  I can't afford it every week unfortunately! I really enjoy his sessions because everything he says makes perfect sense and is what I had been aware of but never been able to fix. 

Right, off to get my back done.  My bunions have been playing me up and I landed on my neck whilst bouldering, which I'm sure I have mentioned already! 

Nothing too horrific to report

 Only gained 4lbs from the long weekend away.  I felt so rubbish from drinking and eating so much on Friday and Sat, that I didn't drink Sunday and tried to eat less than I had been.  We also went out on the bikes on Sunday and Monday, so that made me feel infinitely better.  Hit the gym this morning for an hour on the treadmill, felt pretty good but my flexors started aching towards the end.  I have brought my back appointment forward to tomorrow as my bunions have been giving me so much grief, along with my neck from falling off the bouldering wall. 

I had some pretty tasty meals over the weekend. I had a blue Stilton, apricot and apple salad, which was to die for, but I should imagine that its calories were along the same lines!

Look at that beauty.  You can just make out Reuben's roast lamb in the background too.  After all,of us stuffed this down our throats, we had to cycle back to the campsite; up a huge hill.  Not the easiest thing in the world that's for sure.

This is our feeble attempt at creating a roof that we could all sit under whilst it chucked it down.  We ended up just cramming into one tent whilst we endured a thunderstorm.  Story of all of my visits to the peak district recently.  

I am definitely still feeling the affects of being I'll though, still not 100% back on form.  Its amazing just how badly things like that effect you.  I start my new job in a couple of weeks, which should help the energy levels no end.  There is nothing more draining that not being happy in the office.  We have also ,added the decision to move in with my mum and dad whilst we pay for the wedding and then save up for a deposit so that we can look to getting onto the housing ladder.  We would ideally like to build our own place, so that is definitely something for us to look forward to.  It's one exciting thing after the other at the minute! 

Why did two penguins jump when they first met?

They were trying to break the ice!  That is the joke that accompanied my breakfast this morning. I am lying in a tent, feeling really quite hungover after our first soggy night camping.  It doesn't appear to be raining now but it is forecast for all day! My breakfast was a penguin wafer and some anadin. Breakfast of champs!

Had a great climbing session yesterday, I can massively feel the difference in my strength from working on my upper body with the intention of getting stronger for climbing.  I did manage to hurt myself falling off the bouldering wall though, smushed my arm all the way down the wall and also managed to wind myself and land badly on my neck.  Luckily I'm getting my back done on Wednesday, I brought it forward as my bunions have been really sore the last few days.

We got pics of us bouldering, can't really take photos whilst the other person is climbing as you need both hands to feed them rope and not drop them.  I'm mightily impressed with how ripped my shoulders look too!

In case you were wondering, penguin wafer is not a patch on penguin biscuits!

Rest days are overrated

I felt rubbish all day today, my body felt sluggish and I felt irritable and I honestly think it was from not going to the gym.  I am officially addicted to it it would seem, I think in future the rest day will just be a half hour gentle bike session or something like that. 

It is officially the weekend for us now, lots to do tomorrow before we go camping, including checking out some fancy road bikes for Tom as he feels that he is ready to move on from his now he is fitter and used to his ride. We are also going to try and fit in a climbing session in the morning before we pack and head off.  We haven't climbed for such a long time, we've either been skint or busy or I've been hurt.  I'm not sure how the shoulder will feel, but only one way to find out.  I'm excited to see if my upper body strengthening has made any difference at all. The best way to do that would be to boulder rathe than climb, but there is no way the shoulder will take that. 

I ordered some cheap little calipers on eBay the other day and they arrived today, pretty pleased with my measurements except for the back of my arm. This is where is let me down the very first time I had it done, unfortunately I can't remember where I put my measurements from last time to compare but tricep annihilation here I come, it really is quite gross.  The strangest thing is, I don't think I look fat there and it doesn't wobble, but clearly it is fat when you get hold of it.  I've always just thought I was quite chunky in the arm, oh how wrong I am.  On the plus side of that, it means I can work hard on them and get them a lot slimmer.  It's funny, when I started out on this quest, there were so many parts of my body that I just assumed were as they were and I just accepted that.  Like my legs and now my arms and its crazy how much all of me has changed and, underneath the fat I have been carrying for so long, I am actually really quite small!! If I just keep plugging away, I should end up as quite a neat little package! Something to aim for anyway! 

Abs were a thousand times less painful today, hamstrings aren't so happy.  It's the first time I can remember having DOMS in my hams and them be painful to touch. Normally, they are just sore when I move around.  It's all good though and this weekend should ease them off a bit when we go out on the bikes. I do need to add that I will be on the most rubbish of all the bikes, Reubs and Mandy have new ones and Toms is just better than mine! Covering off my excuses for a feeble performance already.  I am actually also really looking forward to a drink! I know, I really shouldn't and I wish I didn't enjoy it so much, but I do and I work so hard most of the time that its kind of like a little reward, it keeps me going and also, when I wake up with a hangover, it reminds me why I don't drink very often anymore.

Finally today the scales were back to where they were last week, it's taken me 4 days to shift 4lbs. Not too bad, granted, they shouldn't have been there to lose in the first place, but shit happens and now they are gone.

So, where does it hurt?

It may well be easier to point out where it doesn't hurt tbh.  Had my PT session with Martin this morning, in true Martin style, he made me work muscles I didn't know existed.  We were concentrating on core and glutes with some flexor stretching chucked in for good measure.  It was all body weight stuff and I had to concentrate on keeping my core engaged throughout all movements.. So, so difficult to do. 

He explained that for me to be able to hit the heavier weights to build up shape (flat bottom attack) I have got to spend time strengthening and stretching as my body just will not take it.  I have biased strengths which don't help either.  Was a brilliant workout as his always are, but sooo tough, not tough in a "wow, I'm going to be sick" way, it's in a coordination and concentration and control kinda way.

I took the afternoon off to go around Somerford Park Farm Ride with Amy and her new horse she is trailing, that has basically finished me off and Lara ripped her shoe off, fingers crossed she hasn't hurt herself in time for her weekend competing at the end of the month! 

I've just needed to cough, it's like torture!!! 

My latest little find in Lidl is octopus.  In the entire glory, de-beaked thankfully, but still an entire beast. I love octopus and eat it when I am abroad all the time and here when I see it, but I have never prepared it myself.  The instructions just say to shallow fry it, so that's what I did with the first one.  I decided then though that the tentacles over cooked whilst waiting for the body to cook, so I chopped the second one up and did the bits separately and in garlic.. Much better.  I have then concocted a potentially yummy salad with Quinoa and fruit....  

Enforced rest day tomorrow, i really wanted to go on the treadmill for an hour but I could feel a twinge in my knee this morning and if I go with an hour in mind and it hurts, I can't do anything else as I am so sore.  I have a hectic weekend this weekend anyway as we are climbing Friday and then going to meet Reubs and Mandy in the peak district for a camping and biking weekend.. I'm still not very happy about the rest day though, typically me! 

Exciiiiting!

Managed to spend a good chunk of today bouncing ideas around with my mate Nic about the wedding. Her imagination is awesome so we've speeding along quit nicely.  Knock on effect of this is that I'm really excited now and that normally results in me not sleeping! 

Had a good workout at the gym this morning, spent about an hour on upper body and stretching followed by Martin's abs blast class for half an hour. I can feel my abs getting sore already and I've slightly tweaked my back; Tom is massaging it whilst I type this! So, what I thought would be a great idea is to book in for a PT session with Martin in the morning. I want to focus on my bum and my hip flexors and he's brilliant for that. 

Lunch is made for tomorrow, a lovely piece of poached salmon and an amazing avocado. I get them from Lidl and they are the best of any supermarket and I do believe I'm addicted. Its funny how that happens, all through my childhood mum used to try and get my sister and me to eat avocado, yet we both hated it! Now, I for one, can't get enough of them! 

Blueberries and raspberries too for good measure.  

My iPad app clearly hates putting pics on and then going back to normal left hand formatting, quite irritating! I am also quite excited about my new shoes that have just arrived.  They are pretty quirky and I absolutely love them, I should imagine the lads at work will take th piss, but they work really well with the skinny trousers I now always wear. I will post a pic when I have a decent one.

Anyway, as always I don't have a great deal of time to spend writing this as I need to get to sleep.  There really just aren't enough hours in the day for me.  All these kids that suffer from depression and angst need to get themselves too busy to have ny time to do any thinking and then they are also so exhausted that any time they do have a moments downtime, they just fall fast asleep! 

4 lbs!! Cookie monster came back to haunt me!

Post weekend weigh in didn't impress me very much. I've put on 4lbs, I don't think my diet over the weekend was any different to the weekend before, so I am guessing it is the cumulative effect of me being a massive greedy pig in the week that hasn't helped.

The legs weren't too sore over the weekend and they didn't hurt at all whilst I was riding.  Had another successful outing, Millie came second in her leisure horse class, so I'm really pleased as she hasn't been out for ages.  Lara's class clashed with Moo's, so she just did a clear round as she has a big comp coming up in a couple of weeks anyway and Mills doesn't.

Woke up today with my left knee giving me shit, obviously the aftermath of last weeks over work.  I have put some Pernaton gel on it and I hit the foam roller again this morning.  I did an hours low intensity cardio too, or as I like to call it 'fatty fat fat burn' Knee is still bothering me tonight, damned thing. I need to just accept that it's screwed and work round it, very annoying though.  I really. It's hardcore workouts and it makes me really jealous of other people when they get to do it and I am now officially sulking!

Oops, published it before I had finished there! This was what greeted me when I got to the gym this morning, it's always really pretty s it shines through the motorway bridge and you get the vehicle silhouettes too.  If its misty it looks even more amazing.

For some reason my cursor now won't position itself to the left, crappy iPad app! I'm not sure if I mentioned I have a new job or not; but it is a little further into the traffic bell than where I am at the min so I will lose time out of my day whilst sitting in traffic.  So, one of my options if it is really horrific, is to park my car at the gym and then cycle the rest of the way in after my workout.  It's only a half hour bike ride and I would rather spend that half an hour cycling than sitting in traffic! it also means that my cardio is done in that time so I can do strength at the gym and save time in that respect! 

Nicely formatted paragraphs there for you, breaks it up a bit anyway! 

Ouch in every single way!

So the DOMS are pretty bad today, if I get it in my thighs it is always horrific!  At least my inner thigh pain from earlier in the week has gone now.  I went for upper body and low intensity cardio today. Didn't feel wildly strong but didn't feel pathetic either.  I can still feel the shoulder injury giving me gyp and it does hinder me as far as putting on heavier weights goes, but I am just grateful that it isn't stopping me completely and it is definitely improving.

I beat my personal best on the bench press, got to 32.5 kilos and 6 reps x 2, so pretty pleased with that.  I cant go any heavier on the cable cross overs due to the shoulder injury unfortunately, so I just have to keep on 5 with the power mode button on for the high ones, 5 without power mode at shoulder height cross overs and then the low ones I have to drop to 3, without power mode.

I finished my workout with some stretching as usual and then the foam roller on my ITB and glutes. Wow, wow and wooowwww!! So insanely painful it almost brought tears to my eyes!!

I have decided to alternate my days for the smoothies, having one every day does mean I am consuming a huge amount of fructose on a daily basis, and as much as I  pulled a face when Liam said about it as I think that there are so many benefits to eating fruit, I have decided to rein it in a bit!

This month is going to be quite exciting from a vanity point of view at least.  As I am starting a new job, I thought it would be the ideal opportunity to refresh my wardrobe.. Whilst I have had to buy loads of new trousers as I have dropped in size so much, I haven't really bought many more tops.  One of the best outcomes from this weight loss kick, is that I can put on clothes and look good without having to dress to hide the bits I like.  I see something that looks good and I can just wear it, it still looks good.  I don't suffer from the problem I have had for so long that it looks amazing on the model and crap on me! So now, I actually enjoy fashion.  I enjoy looking at fashions and planning outfits, knowing that they will work.  I have what I class as quite a quirky taste in clothes, I don't like to be main stream and I do find that now, this is where it takes some hard work! Far preferable to having to search around to find something that doesn't look rubbish!

The downside being, I'm broke!

Cookie Monster!

I decided to give my legs and bottom a good hard workout at they gym yesterday, I have noticed that what small amount of bum muscle I had managed to sculpt has gone! My glutes are really poor, it seems to be a family thing from my mums side.  All the women have really flat bottoms, its like our backs just become our legs!!  I really want a nice peachy bum!

As my knee has had a good rest, I thought this would be ok.  I did loads of body weight squats, bum raises and leg press drop sets.  I also did my theraband workout to strengthen my flexors up, I haven't done them for ages and I really need to! I finished off with 40 mins on the treadmill. This was so tough, never done it post strength training on my legs, what a killer!!

My knee didn't take too kindly to the heavy start of the drop sets, I started at 120 which I can press, the problem is that when I am doing drop sets I rush.  I think I need to just accept that I cant do anything too heavy, it really inst worth it.  Especially when I can tone up by starting at a lower weight and doing more reps.

One of the guys in the office bought in a load of cookies as it's his birthday. I contemplated being good for a split second and then gave in. I thought I would stop at 2 but unfortunately, the lunch I had made was nasty.  the beetroot has fermented and tainted the entire lunch.  So I ate 6 cookies in total! Self control is NOT my strong point..

I didn't behave much better for my tea either, I had half a Chorizo sausage, dry fired with a few mushrooms and 5 fish fingers! Tom wasn't in so it was up to me to be week day chef for a change and I couldn't be bothered making an effort just for me.  Chorizo is possibly my worse weakness! It is so bad, so full of saturated fat and crap that I don't think there is anything of any value in it at all! I just absolutely love it and choose to blatantly ignore all of that and keep having it as a treat! The upside of all this, I got on the scales this morning and I haven't gained at all! Bonus

Mid month weigh in

As my weight has been on free fall since I have come back into exercise and healthy eating since being I'll, I wanted to see if the weigh loss is muscle or fat. I have lost 3lbs in a week and I haven't done anything different particularly, I even had curry and beer at the weekend!

Thankfully, the body fat percentage has indeed gone down.  At the beginning of the month I was 26.1% and now I am 25.3% so really pleased with that.  I can only assume that the break and rest from exercise has done me good and the introduction of the low intensity cardio has clearly done some good too!

Whilst I was getting my body fat done, I had a quick mooch in Boots and found some of those disclosure tablets you used to use as a kid, the ones that show you where you have missed brushing your teeth.  They have come on somewhat since the last time I used them, now they differentiate between old and new plaque.  All in all, I don't do a bad job but there were some problem areas that need concentrating on.. Unsurprisingly, I love things like that. 

On another plus note, I have a new job! Handed my notice in today, I can't wait to get my teeth into the new challenge. 5 yrs in one place is a huge amount of time. I will still be able to go to the gym as it is in a similar location to where I am now.. Relief! 

Anyway, must get myself to sleep.. Took the morning off the gym today as was feeling a little ropey at the end of the day yesterday and really don't need to be ill again, I've had my quota for a few months thanks. 

Back to it

Finally feel well enough to do some low intensity cardio.  Felt pretty good again, joints were quite stiff to start but eased after about 20mins. Did 40 mins total on 6.5 and incline of 2, no strength work today either.

Stretched off and used then foam roller again, ITB nowhere near as sore as the other day but my inner thighs are still really tight.

Was feeling it horribly this afternoon, felt shattered and I got an earlyish night last night. Just goes to show how much being I'll has wiped me out, getting back into a routine again is like starting from scratch. It always amazes me how much I forget, after no more than a week of not doing it! I forgot my laptop yesterday, I forgot to put seasoning and garlic on Tom's lunch, I forgot to take my laptop into the office out of my car today; my head's up in the clouds! I've been I'm the same routine for over 6 months! Its the same with muscle loss, work on it for months and within a week you've lost so much form.

Whilst I am on the subject of loss of form, my gleuts (peachy ass) I've been working on has lost some of the shape I had managed to build up on it. I haven't squatted for a good few weeks or leg pressed as my knee was bothering me, really need to get back on it. I also need to work out a plan of action for each week! I keep saying that and not doing it!! Must try harder

Another plus today, I have dropped another pound, grand total of 20 lbs this year. I think I am the lightest I have been since o was 23 and I certainly look better than I ever have, or at least better than I ever remember!

It's funny, I've been routing around on instagram as I saw an article a woman wrote about why the proanna forums and presence on instagram shouldn't be banned. I won't go into the details of it but she was basically saying it is a good place for people to seek support in an otherwise hostile society and that for a lot of 'sufferers' it is a lifestyle choice rather than a killer illness, just like we want to follow a crazy fitness regime.

For me, the jury is still out, I don't know anywhere near enough about the subject to be of any influence in a debate about it. I got what she was saying, totally, just don't know where I stand on the subject... Anyway, as usual, of I rant! My point is, I've looked on instagram and been reading these peoples posts and on the whole I am shocked, but the biggest thing I have noticed is that these people starve themselves everyday, a lot of them consuming no more than 200 calories and going for walks etc to ensure they are in a deficit. They also do prolonged fasting and anything else that is bad for your health I would say, but, they aren't shifting their weight any quicker than I am!

OK, they are going for the boney look, rather than the built look that I want, but even so, these deluded and, what I class most the time as self indulgent, products of modern 1st world society, could achieve what they are after and not endanger their lives.. So maybe I do have an opinion, I don't think it is a well rounded or educated one, but there are key players online that seem to me to just be seeking to shock and then you see poor starving kids in 3rd world countries who have no choice. These kids are throwing soup down the drain. Pretty clichéd opinion I have and pretty sure not a well rounded one, but its my current opinion all the same.

On that note, I think I may have a read around modern day eating disorders and  see if the fact that I think a lot of them don't fall onto the anorexia brand, just the lifestyle choice brand, albeit a stupid and dangerous one, is out of order.

Wow, that smarted a little

Went to do my dead lift after walking for half an hour on the treadmill and OUCH!!  my inner thighs that had tightened up from competing on Saturday went into cramp like I have never felt in my life! It felt as if someone had stabbed right into the muscles and grabbed the fibres and yanked them out! Managed two sets of 12 at 35 kilos and just couldn't carry on, I could feel it in my back because I was compensating for my inner thighs.  I had intended on concentrating on legs and core today, half of that wasn't going to happen!

Half an hour of upper body followed by core, did some absolute killers that I should imagine I will more than regret tomorrow!  Made a point of checking my protein targets and was quite down after lunch, I had smoked mackerel and that is restricted by how calorific it is, so only had 100 grams. So, tea was a piece of salmon, cooked in the oven with salt, pepper and vinegar and I also had 5 fish fingers and broccoli.  These are one of my favourite things to eat! I make sure I get the 100% Pollock ones to do my bit for the sustainable fish market, cod is drastically overfished these days and there is no difference in price and I don't know my fish well enough for there to be a difference in taste!

Tomorrows lunch: a small piece of salmon, cooked the same way as my tea, cherry tomatoes, sweet peppers, butter beans (cooked from dried again, easy now I have got used to it) beetroot (my new favourite addition) and last but not least.... I have treated myself to an entire egg!!!

I am concious that having a smoothie every day is laying on the the sugar quite heavily, I am going to try and switch it around a bit and  not have one every single day, maybe just 3 out of 5 in the week and I never have time at weekends anyway! 

Anyway, I'm supposed to be making an effort to get to bed earlier after my last killer sickness, this is not doing that! Good night all 

Nothing like easing yourself back in gently

After being rotten all weekend, I thought the best approach was to spend the entire weekend working horses, competing , clipping and general horse quaffing.

I haven't sat on a horse since last Wednesday and I rode them all on Saturday and competed one of them.. Considering I have been riding most of my life, its amazing how quickly your muscles forget about it! My inner thighs are feeling it today.  It was worth it though, we managed to come 3rd in the Open Working Hunter, very pleased. To celebrate, we had curry and beer! How naughty, but oh so very, very tasty!

Today was spent getting 2 of them ready for their show next weekend so clipping and mane and tail pulling.  Might not sound too tiresome, but trust me, it is!

#PT session tomorrow, that should be interesting! I haven't worked out at the gym for what seems like an eternity!

Its funny what touches you

I know everyone is affected by different things that they encounter in life and I like to think that its mostly the good things that affect us, or else life would be incredibly tough.

What's prompted this?  I was driving along the road today and I saw an elderly gentleman from the local care home, being escorted along the road by his big burly carer.  The old gent was shuffling along, hunched over and moving incredibly slowly.  His carer gently held his arm through his and had his hand resting on his hand whilst supporting him along his way.  Granted, by itself this situation doesn't seem particularly thought provoking, until you start to think further into it.

I imagine them shuffling along, the old gent regaling his carer with stories of his youth, imparting golden nuggets of advice that can only be gained by those so long lived.

I admire the carers of the world, in my eyes, their day to day job is just so incredibly hard in so many ways that my heart goes out to them.  I am sure that they would also say that it is incredibly rewarding, I just know that with how affected I am by others pain, suffering and loss, that it would weigh far too heavy on me to cope. I would also feel the loss of a persons presence so hard to bear, inevitably, carers must lose many people that they become close to and care for. People that they will have shared stories with about past times and lives lived and learnt from and confided in.  Maybe that's just a romantic notion and they are all in fact grumpy old buggers that give them hell constantly! I like to imagine it as the former though!

I also then start to wonder about other things.  I wonder if the elderly gentleman has lived a good and healthy life, if he spends his day with fantastic memories of times gone by, or if he sits, racked with regrets of missed opportunities and a life unfulfilled?  I wonder if he was happily married and now his days are filled with missing the love of his life.. Again, I prefer to steer myself to the former judgement, as I like to think if I ever make it to such an age, that I will look back on my life with pride and happiness. I'm sure its not all black and white of course! At the very least, I know I will look back on my life and remember the time I took control of everything and changed my body, my thinking and my direction!

See what happens when I haven't got the gym to keep me occupied and so exhausted I don't have time to think!

One step closer

So, the wedding yurt is almost sorted! Save the dates will be on the way out in no time, very excited! Also, very annoyed I haven't been back to the gym yet!  I'm nowhere near ready for exercise yet, I've been working the horses from the ground so that I don't have to exert myself! Makes me one grumpy, hungry lady!!

Photographer is also almost confirmed! He is just checking that his partner is available. I have found the perfect guy, I used to work with him in my first job and he's fantastically flamboyant and works people so incredibly well; as well as having a fantastic artistic eye. He doesn't normally do weddings, his is more pr and media but does small weddings for people he knows. I contacted him as I know he's big into his bands and I noticed he was selling his photography skills; bingo!

I only seem to have gained 2lbs whilst being off, amazingly! I don't know how, I consumed my own weight in crap food whilst I've been ill. Back on track today, as always, its tough to get back on the healthy food wagon after falling off it into a sugar fuelled coma! Still a while off being back on the exercise track, competing at the weekend so I'm hoping the breathing is better by then. Then Monday morning, PT session with Liam. Back into it all in one go.

Have you missed me?

Have I been ill or what!?  I managed one night at Y-Not and then had to come home in the morning, I was back in my bed at 11.30 am on the Saturday.

I spent the whole weekend eating the crap that I purchased to take with me to the festival as Tom was also away and I was feeling sorry for myself.  I couldn't sleep, couldn't breath, couldn't swallow... you name it, I couldn't do it basically, looking after myself properly was right at the top of that list too!

I've just been to the doctors and they have prescribed me some antibiotics as its just not clearing.  I feel dreadful still and can hardly walk to my car without being out of breath! I'm missing the gym, I'm missing my routine and I'm missing being healthy! I just want to be out and about, my horses need working and my poor wasting muscles need working!

Don't really have a lot to offer here, other than feeling sorry for myself and checking in!

I know why they say grate the ginger!

Laziness meant I just checked a chunk of ginger into my smoothie this morning, I am picking strings of ginger out of my teeth now! 

Off to Y-not festival today. Still not brilliant, I'm gonna have to be very careful with myself, but yesterday sleeping helped no end!

First order of the day is to get The Beast cleaned. I have borrowed my brother in laws work vehicle and it is FILTHY!! Not fussed about the outside as that gives us a kinda "we're cool off road kinda gals" look, its a bit like being surfer dudes of the countryside! The inside is rotten though!

Typing from my death bed..

Well, not quite. I have taken the day off though as I felt dreadful when I woke up. I've been trying every cure I can Google! Turmeric, garlic, cinnamon, ginger, copious amounts of fruit and vitamin drink! Good old Beechams, Olbas oil all over me and steamed myself to the max!

Considering I try and lead a healthy, active lifestyle, I am always sick!! The only thing I can put it down to is the fact that I am always so busy and very rarely do I get enough sleep to allow my body to be fighting fit.  I would love to reduce the hours that I work so that I can fit more in, unfortunately, bank balance says no to that one!

This little cutie pie is also helping me get better, he is keeping me super snuggly! I have got up to make myself some food in the form of a super gingernut banana smoothie, take on some more paracetamol and then sleep once more.  Chest feels a lot better, headache is not helping though.  I was hoping it was a caffeine headache so had an espresso; didn't help!

Unlike most people, I can happily drink espresso 'till the cows come home and still sleep.  Tea however, totally different matter, that keeps my mind buzzing just enough to stop sleep.. 

Did my measurements yesterday.  I shall add them all to the stats page, pretty good effort once again, so please go and take a look!